I recently wrote on Psychotic Resumes about deciding between going broke while waiting to do what you love (a career) or doing something you hate for money (a job).
I received a slew of comments from the Brazen Careerist crowd. Most revolving around, “Look, it’s okay to ‘slum’ to pay the bills.” I don’t think so.
I have, for the last two years, been perpetually stuck in the cycle I like to call, “This time it’ll be different.” This time, I said to myself – each and every time I started on a new programming job – it’ll be different. Last time, I had too many bosses. Last time, I didn’t get the support I needed. Last time, I hated the constant 50-hour work weeks and crazy, constant stress. Last time, I just wasn’t good enough to keep up as fast as they (and the economy!) needed me to. (edit: 6/1/09 – added “constant”)
I look at that list of reasons and think, “Oh my god, how do I tell an interviewer these things without sounding like an excuse-filled lame duck?” My only defense is the truth. I have never lied to a potential employer to get a job. I put my 5 biggest weaknesses on the About page of my blog. I talk about life, love, money, and everything else on Twitter… I get boisterous and loud, I am never reserved. I always speak my mind. I’ve never had a problem owning a mistake. If I’m one thing, it’s unflappably honest. So when I say marketing is my passion, I really mean it.
I have been so tempted to find a job – any job, just to make the fear go away. There are nights I can’t even sleep from the thought of missing rent, missing a car payment, all these medical bills from my appendectomy. The thought of having to leave Yoda (my cat) behind because dad is allergic, if I ever had to move home with mom and dad. I have to remind myself that I have the tools to solve these problems. It’s only really hopeless if I let it become hopeless.
I’m not some Jim Dandy with no skills. I’m the gorram man. I aim to win. It’s not ego. I won because I was able to give 100% – I didn’t stop until I was the best. I really cared about the things I was doing. (ps – gorram is a Firefly reference – it’s a swear word.)
And I remember how I feel about a month into every programming job I’ve ever had. The nagging anxiety that I have a week to learn a brand new language, the depression of not being so busy I can’t even have lunch with Leslie, the frustration of getting home and being so tired and worn out from the day that I can’t bring myself to work on my personal projects. I can’t do that. I can’t be like that anymore. I’ve never felt that way doing my personal projects – doing my own marketing. I know that if I were doing what I loved to do, I wouldn’t feel like a failure.
You can’t do your best, give 100%, when you don’t like what you’re doing. It took me two years to realize that.
I’m not going to settle anymore. I’m not a failure. I’m not a loser. I’m not a slacker. I’m… a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.
Those jobs I had, they would have been great for someone else. There were problems, sure – mine and theirs. There were great people and great things to do. They weren’t the right great people for me. They weren’t my great things to do. The next position I take – the next task I perform for money, will be the first step on my real career. The thing I’ve always wanted to do.
I can’t go back, because it would mean certain failure. I can only move forward.
Nick, what exactly was wrong with working 50 hours? If you are passionate about what you are doing 50 hours is really nothing. Plus, most companies will kind of expect you to work the hours necessary to get the job done.
http://webguru-co.com Mergen from WEBGURU-CO.COM
Nick, what exactly was wrong with working 50 hours? If you are passionate about what you are doing 50 hours is really nothing. Plus, most companies will kind of expect you to work the hours necessary to get the job done.
Nick
Mergen,
Thank you for your comment!
As I’d mentioned in the post, my interest in computer programming is waning. I didn’t make it clear that the 50-hour work weeks were almost continuous – I’ve added that as an edit. Continuous 50-hour workweeks doing something I hate is a sure-fire path to burnout.
An employer who expects one or two 50-hour workweeks before offering some sort of break, that’s not a bad thing. An employer who expects 50-hour workweeks as a norm… even if you’re passionate, you are going to get burnt out.
Most creative people tend to forget, also, that creative work is still work. 50 hour workweeks can allow a lot more productivity. But when those 50-hour workweeks are continuous, even the most creative get burnt out fast.
Believe me, I want nothing more right now than to sink my teeth in to a 50-hour, week-long project for a heap of rent money and a car payment, but, that’s just not in the cards when I can barely get businesses to write me back or even acknowledge that I sent my paperwork in.
Thanks again,
-Nick Armstrong
Nick
Mergen,
Thank you for your comment!
As I’d mentioned in the post, my interest in computer programming is waning. I didn’t make it clear that the 50-hour work weeks were almost continuous – I’ve added that as an edit. Continuous 50-hour workweeks doing something I hate is a sure-fire path to burnout.
An employer who expects one or two 50-hour workweeks before offering some sort of break, that’s not a bad thing. An employer who expects 50-hour workweeks as a norm… even if you’re passionate, you are going to get burnt out.
Most creative people tend to forget, also, that creative work is still work. 50 hour workweeks can allow a lot more productivity. But when those 50-hour workweeks are continuous, even the most creative get burnt out fast.
Believe me, I want nothing more right now than to sink my teeth in to a 50-hour, week-long project for a heap of rent money and a car payment, but, that’s just not in the cards when I can barely get businesses to write me back or even acknowledge that I sent my paperwork in.
Thanks again,
-Nick Armstrong
Nick has helped these Small Businesses (and more!):
A Job vs A Career
I received a slew of comments from the Brazen Careerist crowd. Most revolving around, “Look, it’s okay to ‘slum’ to pay the bills.” I don’t think so.
I have, for the last two years, been perpetually stuck in the cycle I like to call, “This time it’ll be different.” This time, I said to myself – each and every time I started on a new programming job – it’ll be different. Last time, I had too many bosses. Last time, I didn’t get the support I needed. Last time, I hated the constant 50-hour work weeks and crazy, constant stress. Last time, I just wasn’t good enough to keep up as fast as they (and the economy!) needed me to. (edit: 6/1/09 – added “constant”)
I look at that list of reasons and think, “Oh my god, how do I tell an interviewer these things without sounding like an excuse-filled lame duck?” My only defense is the truth. I have never lied to a potential employer to get a job. I put my 5 biggest weaknesses on the About page of my blog. I talk about life, love, money, and everything else on Twitter… I get boisterous and loud, I am never reserved. I always speak my mind. I’ve never had a problem owning a mistake. If I’m one thing, it’s unflappably honest. So when I say marketing is my passion, I really mean it.
I have been so tempted to find a job – any job, just to make the fear go away. There are nights I can’t even sleep from the thought of missing rent, missing a car payment, all these medical bills from my appendectomy. The thought of having to leave Yoda (my cat) behind because dad is allergic, if I ever had to move home with mom and dad. I have to remind myself that I have the tools to solve these problems. It’s only really hopeless if I let it become hopeless.
I’m not some Jim Dandy with no skills. I’m the gorram man. I aim to win. It’s not ego. I won because I was able to give 100% – I didn’t stop until I was the best. I really cared about the things I was doing. (ps – gorram is a Firefly reference – it’s a swear word.)
And I remember how I feel about a month into every programming job I’ve ever had. The nagging anxiety that I have a week to learn a brand new language, the depression of not being so busy I can’t even have lunch with Leslie, the frustration of getting home and being so tired and worn out from the day that I can’t bring myself to work on my personal projects. I can’t do that. I can’t be like that anymore. I’ve never felt that way doing my personal projects – doing my own marketing. I know that if I were doing what I loved to do, I wouldn’t feel like a failure.
You can’t do your best, give 100%, when you don’t like what you’re doing. It took me two years to realize that.
I’m not going to settle anymore. I’m not a failure. I’m not a loser. I’m not a slacker. I’m… a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.
Those jobs I had, they would have been great for someone else. There were problems, sure – mine and theirs. There were great people and great things to do. They weren’t the right great people for me. They weren’t my great things to do. The next position I take – the next task I perform for money, will be the first step on my real career. The thing I’ve always wanted to do.
I can’t go back, because it would mean certain failure. I can only move forward.