My calling is to kick ass.

The hardest part of becoming an entrepreneur hasn’t been the looming threat of financial failure, the haunting scent of the cardboard Dell box that might soon be my home, or even sacrificing the “niceties” like healthcare insurance, Grade-A food, and free time.

Instead, the hardest part so far has been learning to be accountable.  As a cubicle employee, I was only accountable to my boss.  As an entrepreneur, I’m accountable to myself, my clients, and everyone else who depends on me in some function to do a good job.

For as long as I can remember, I have kicked ass.  I’m not… you know, tooting my own horn or anything – but, I got a 4.16 GPA in high school, participated in the Drama Club, made websites that took first and second place in state web design competitions, and organized a group of over 500 people to participate in a Star Trek club.  In college, I ran my own talk show – interviewed Doug Hutchinson – the Fort Collins Mayor, Puke and Snot from the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and entertained thousands as a prime-time DJ.

Then I graduated, landed a kick-ass job at HP making more money than any graduate out of college has a right to and then realized that the working world didn’t want a rock star – they wanted someone who would shut up and follow orders.  They wanted a cog.  And for two years, I played along.  Hell, I was playing along even now – today.

What a horrible, horrible mistake.  There were fits and starts of brilliance – Giant Gnome, Psychotic Resumes… but holy hell, what did I let myself become?

My mistake has turned me into the bumbling idiot – 15 minutes late to everything, overwhelmed, barely succeeding, missing deadlines, not good at communicating.  This isn’t me.  I get so frustrated with myself because I know I can do better – I just let those things slip away as a side-effect of doing something that wasn’t my calling.  When I finally got the programming job every programmer dreams of, I blew it because I was stuck in “mediocre mode”. 

F*CK.

No more. This is my shot to do something good in the world.  I’m not going to blow it like Taco Bell blows it when you order a chicken taco.

This is it – this is what I’m afraid of – why I can joke about “meaningless” consequences like homelessness and the lack of health insurance. The real consequence of failure isn’t that tangible bullshit. The real cost of failure is my self-respect, the respect of my friends, my mentors.

It took two smart people to wake me the hell up this morning.  Today is a sort of “wake up” call for me that I need to get my ass back in gear.  I’ve been slouching since HP – it’s not my lot in life to be ordinary.

Thanks goes to Ron of CodeGeek.Net and Laurie of Blue Skies Marketing – I’m very fortunate to have them as mentors – thankful in the way that words can’t express.  Without them, I likely would be living out of that Dell box already.  What I’ve learned from them could fill an entire blog, but I’ll share with you the best advice they gave me this morning:

• Bring order to the chaos that your client is feeling – even if you’re freaking the hell out, too;
• Tell the client “No” when you have to – it’s better than breaking a deadline;
• Help the client arrive at realistic expectations – doing anything else sets both parties up for failure;
• Don’t give a reason for delays – they sound too close to excuses;
• Always communicate – communicate if there’s a problem, before there’s a problem, as much as you can, always.

I’m fired up – the fuse is lit.  It’s time for me to get back to kicking ass.