I’m not big on grief.
For me, it’s an emotion that hits hard and fast… and then it’s gone and not useful. A few days ago I lost my girlfriend, my best friend, and that was -really- difficult for me. I’ll always treasure the good times that we had. I really appreciate the support my friends have given me to get through it.
Instead of moping, though, I always feel better when I get down to the bare-bones facts. It’s what led me to start my own business after I lost my job, and to keep going even through the difficult times. And the fact is that she and I can do better separate than together. She’s an amazing person, but I’m not the amazing person for her, and she’s not the amazing person for me. We both made choices months ago that led to us largely being lonely and separated from each other, and I can’t speak for her, but I was getting so frustrated that I had a hard time remembering the good times. Breaking up just made official what we already knew.
So now isn’t the time for more grief, now is the time to look forward to all the new firsts to enjoy. It may not be perfect, but it’ll be better.
To Hell With Boundaries – This Is Fun
I’ve really pushed my own boundaries to see what I could learn about myself. I love what I’ve found out.
I learned I really like dancing. I’ve never been very selective about how I make an ass out of myself, and all things being equal, dancing isn’t normally on that list. I saw knee-bending and shuffle-shoeing as a trivial act – boy was I wrong. After hosting LaidOffCamp all the major players were over at Kevin Buecher’s house, hanging out with him, his roommate Si, and our cool new friends Cali and Polly. Cali is a pro dancer, and an all-around free spirit. She randomly decided that she wanted to teach us the Cha Cha.
I volunteered to go first. A quick lesson later, I was Cha-Cha-ing. Cali has unwittingly paved the path to my first white vinyl suit and disco ball purchases.
A few nights later, on my own accord, I opted to go country-dancing to a rockabilly band at Lucky Joes with Christina (who not only is a fun dancer, but does hilarious things with saloon peanuts if you give her the chance). Later, I ended up testing out Polly’s Cha Cha skills, and with huge smiles we added spins to the mix. Polly, operating under the assumption that I’m somehow skilled at catching spun women (as it turns out, groping non-”sexual harassment worthy” areas is actually a useful social skill), danced and spun with me miraculously without injury.
I learned that I’ve helped the community to help itself. The Digital Gunslingers reconvened on Tuesday, and the accomplishments of the people in the group are truly noteworthy. Fred started his own blog. Carol started her own jewelry business and came within $70 of breaking even for all her initial equipment costs. Dale created a video to recruit new tallent to his practice. Vi created a new traditional music group. To say that I’m proud to be a part of their lives is an understatement, and we’re starting a year of storytelling to make 2010 the year of sharing all the amazing things we do.
I learned that you can make a best friend in less than a week. Kevin and Si have quickly become my new best friends. You will never meet more caring, considerate people who pour everything they are into everyone else and ask for nothing in return. Bachelors through and through (and fed up with plain white toast), they let me take them on an adventure; I showed them how to grocery shop like Ghandi after the fast (as Alton Brown says, no unitaskers).
I learned that anything you say to a child becomes a binding contractual agreement. I met my new friend Jessy today, who is the mother of two amazing children. I bought her family dinner, chinese from South China on Harmony – and the kids were naturally most excited for the fortune cookies. So, I told them about my practice of keeping every fortune I’ve ever pulled from a cookie and how they always come true (yes, this is true). I showed ‘em my collection from my wallet before it was time to eat and they were all ears.
Then came the magical moment to crack open the cookies to reveal our true destinies. The boy’s fortune reads, “You look pretty.” His sister starts giggling and says something like, “Some people think he looks like a girl.” As with any handsome fellow, this is enough to cause his tears to start, probably because I had worked up the whole deal of how they always come true and he’d never given much thought to someday becoming “fabulous”. Quickly I offered to give him a second chance; he could have my fortune and I would take his, as long as he was okay with the prospect of tempting fate.
He nodded and I warned, “You know, mine probably says that I’m pretty too, what then?” He shrugged. I cracked open the cookie to reveal some great tome of Chinese wisdom better than “You look pretty” and he was satisfied enough to declare he wanted me to see his cool videogames.
All these adventures were possible because I took the time to step out of my comfort zone and try something new… and I -love- what I’m learning about myself in the process. To hell with boundaries, this is fun!