My calling is to kick ass

The hardest part of becoming an entrepreneur hasn’t been the looming threat of financial failure, the haunting scent of the cardboard Dell box that might soon be my home, or even sacrificing the “niceties” like healthcare insurance, Grade-A food, and free time.

Instead, the hardest part so far has been learning to be accountable.  As a cubicle employee, I was only accountable to my boss.  As an entrepreneur, I’m accountable to myself, my clients, and everyone else who depends on me in some function to do a good job.

For as long as I can remember, I have kicked ass.  I’m not… you know, tooting my own horn or anything – but, I got a 4.16 GPA in high school, participated in the Drama Club, made websites that took first and second place in state web design competitions, and organized a group of over 500 people to participate in a Star Trek club.  In college, I ran my own talk show – interviewed Doug Hutchinson – the Fort Collins Mayor, Puke and Snot from the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and entertained thousands as a prime-time DJ.

Then I graduated, landed a kick-ass job at HP making more money than any graduate out of college has a right to and then realized that the working world didn’t want a rock star – they wanted someone who would shut up and follow orders.  They wanted a cog.  And for two years, I played along.  Hell, I was playing along even now – today.

What a horrible, horrible mistake.  There were fits and starts of brilliance – Giant Gnome, Psychotic Resumes… but holy hell, what did I let myself become?

My mistake has turned me into the bumbling idiot – 15 minutes late to everything, overwhelmed, barely succeeding, missing deadlines, not good at communicating.  This isn’t me.  I get so frustrated with myself because I know I can do better – I just let those things slip away as a side-effect of doing something that wasn’t my calling.  When I finally got the programming job every programmer dreams of, I blew it because I was stuck in “mediocre mode”. 

F*CK.

No more. This is my shot to do something good in the world.  I’m not going to blow it like Taco Bell blows it when you order a chicken taco.

This is it – this is what I’m afraid of – why I can joke about “meaningless” consequences like homelessness and the lack of health insurance. The real consequence of failure isn’t that tangible bullshit. The real cost of failure is my self-respect, the respect of my friends, my mentors.

It took two smart people to wake me the hell up this morning.  Today is a sort of “wake up” call for me that I need to get my ass back in gear.  I’ve been slouching since HP – it’s not my lot in life to be ordinary.

Thanks goes to Ron of CodeGeek.Net and Laurie of Blue Skies Marketing – I’m very fortunate to have them as mentors – thankful in the way that words can’t express.  Without them, I likely would be living out of that Dell box already.  What I’ve learned from them could fill an entire blog, but I’ll share with you the best advice they gave me this morning:

• Bring order to the chaos that your client is feeling – even if you’re freaking the hell out, too;
• Tell the client “No” when you have to – it’s better than breaking a deadline;
• Help the client arrive at realistic expectations – doing anything else sets both parties up for failure;
• Don’t give a reason for delays – they sound too close to excuses;
• Always communicate – communicate if there’s a problem, before there’s a problem, as much as you can, always.

I’m fired up – the fuse is lit.  It’s time for me to get back to kicking ass.

One of the ways I’ve started doing this is to keep an offline record of hours worked.  Another is one that I discovered today and want to try out.  It’s called a Sunday Reflection – it comes from the blog Marc and Angel Hack Life.  I thought it would be a great way to hold myself accountable and track my progress.  The whole exercise is supposed to take 30 minutes – it’s 10:30 right now, so… let’s see how I do.

1. What did I learn last week? –
   I learned that friends can surprise you no matter how well you think you know them.  I also learned a lot about Thematic, having built out my personal blog, and that Star Trek will take up a lot of my consciousness if I let it.  Sometimes it’s better just to turn the TV off, even if it’s my favorite episode.
2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week? –
   The new theme on I Am Nick Armstrong.  It took a long time and it was GREAT to get it at least half-way started.  Totally beats using a stock theme… and I also really enjoyed giving my Ignite presentation again for the Refresh NoCo crowd.
3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why? –
   It’s a split between talking for the Refresh NoCo crowd and the most disappointing thing of the week.  The Refresh NoCo event was awesome – I got to meet a lot of fun new people and I also had a blast giving the talk again.  The most disappointing thing of the week was realizing the people who should be there for you sometimes aren’t – or at least don’t make it apparent.
4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week? –
   The WTF Marketing website MUST be completed.
5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful? –
   Finish the WTF Marketing website… and land a steady, good-paying contract.
6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? –
   I’ve had a hard time keeping a positive attitude.  At the moment, it’s very difficult for me to see past the bills every month.  This will be a huge consideration this week, especially if the Facebook for your Business and Online Reputation Management classes don’t get filled.  This is more true of the July 23 one than the August 5 one.
7. What was last week’s biggest time sink? –
   Star Trek on Justin.TV.
8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? –
   The negative attitude of “oh my god I have no money”.
9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done? –
   WTF Marketing website and blogging on Psychotic Resumes.
10. What opportunities are still on the table? –
    The WTF Marketing website can be set up correctly.
11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to? –
    I definitely need to meet with an accountant about WTF Marketing’s taxes!
12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’? –
    Leslie – for keeping me sane.  Laurie, Debbie, Viv, Ava, Ron and the wonderful peeps at Toolbox Creative, for keeping me working.
13. How can I help someone else this coming week? –
    I’m going to help Crystal by making her website and I’m helping Ron (and he’s helping me) by my presentation this Thursday at the Fort Collins Internet Pros Meetup on WordPress.
14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years? –
    • I want to make enough from WTF Marketing to buy my own health insurance.
    • I want to make enough from WTF Marketing to pay off my medical bills.
    • I want to make enough from WTF Marketing to buy a house or condo.
15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals? –
    I’ve been doing lots of meetings… and turning those meetings into client work, but nothing sustainable yet.
16. What’s the next step for each goal? –
    • I have to make sure all my other bills are paid each month, which is happening (albeit very, very closely.)
    • I have to make sure I’m spending wisely as I pay off my medical bills.
    • I have to save up while I’m making sure every bill is getting paid.
17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week? –
    I want to see Harry Potter at the Drive-In with Leslie.
18. What are my fears? –
    Running out of money, getting evicted… game over.
19. What am I most grateful for? –
    I’m most grateful for the people who have faith in me.  People who think that I can do this.  People who want to see me succeed.
20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with? –
    Duh