Denny Crane and Alan Shore

Earlier this week, Denny Crane stated that he had two very specific reasons to vote for McCain.

“If McCain wins, he’ll help save the salmon.”  When pressed on this, he continued.

“Wild Salmon stocks in Canada are threatened… climate change, sea lice… and once they go, there goes half the ecosystem.  I don’t need to tell you!”

The audience got a confused look on their faces.  “He won’t save ‘em directly!  The polls show that if McCain wins, it’s like a third term of Bush – and a lot of Americans will emigrate to Canada.  The smart ones.  The intelligence level of Canada will go up, and they’ll figure out how to save the Salmon.”

And the second reason? “Women are easier during a Republican administration.  It’s a fact during democratic regimes, volunteerism goes up.  Then, you get a lot of women running around for this cause or that… and they start to think they have something to say.  Republicans tend to reinforce the idea that a woman’s place is in her home, on her back.  Now, I haven’t even taken into account all the depressed women, if McCain wins.  Sad girls are easy girls.  I don’t need to tell you, they’re vulnerable!”

Salmon and women.  In the end it’s all about spawning.  Drill baby, drill!  Gotta vote your values.”

Later that day, Crane and co-worker Alan Shore engaged in a brief gun fight with paintball guns, painting two entire walls – and two very expensive suits green and pink, respectively.  Denny had only a one-word, grumbling comment on the issue: “Politics.”

However, when the moment to cast his vote had come and gone, Crane was overheard in a conversation taking place on an open balcony that, “I’ve already crossed my isle today.  I’d never admit it in public.  I didn’t know the right choice.  But, these last eight years… let’s just say, I knew who the wrong one was.”