McCain voters strongly prefer Philly Cheese Steak.  Is it something in the onions?

Data Source: Dominos. Completely Fool-Proof.

With just six days left in what could be the most decisive political battle the United States has ever known, national poll and opinion leader Dominos has released the results of their latest political poll.

The results may just surprise you.

Reigning in as the most popular oven-baked sandwich with 36% of the popular opinion, the Philly Cheese Steak shares a startling correlation with the so-called “Red States” – those who report they will vote for John McCain.  In fact, so strong is the correlation that even Utah, the former long-term supporter of both Chicken and Bacon (yet, strangely not Ranch), has switched sides and voted in favor of the Philly Cheese Steak, seemingly just to please John McCain and his wraith-like constituents.

Obama supporters, while not nearly as decisive as McCain’s in sandwich preference, do seem to prefer the Chicken Bacon Ranch.  Though they seem to be just as happy ordering any other oven baked sandwich.

A Colorado pizza delivery specialist, who asked to be identified only as “Tim”, also an avid Obama Supporter, reported, “I have made several deliveries to the Colorado-Utah border, and I think that maybe Utah is more of a swing state than people give it credit for.  They look so sad when I deliver Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwiches. Almost like they wish they could eat them too.  But then one of the McCain ghouls waves the banner and they grudgingly choke down the Philly Cheese Steak with a robot-like stoicism.”  When questioned why a pizza delivery specialist would use words like ‘grudgingly’ and ‘stoicism’, Tim sped away, leaving behind questions and tire smoke.

One could only imagine what sort of surprise election results Utah could be capable of, if only McCain constituents lessened their icy, vice-like grip on the appetites and tastes of the public.

In yet another odd correlation, undecided states such as Florida, North Carolina and Nevada seem to prefer the disgusting Chicken Parmesan oven baked sandwich.  Stodginess and Old Age also seemed to play a factor, meanwhile Hawaii and Alaska (not pictured), seeming to vote completely against the lower 48, preferred the Italian oven-baked sandwich.

Whatever the results of the election, one can be sure that order – and freedom to choose whatever oven baked sandwich makes you happy – can only be restored under the patient gaze of an Obama administration.