There’s lots of social media sites publishing info on how to use Twitter for business. A lot of ‘em have it wrong.

Here’s the basic premise to using Twitter for your business the right way:

• Converse, Don’t Sell
  The worst thing you can do is to constantly pitch your wares (or your website) without regard to what your overall Twitter profile looks like. Think of it this way: if a dude walked into your favorite coffee joint, handed you a business card, told you about the latest sale, and then walked away – and did it every time you visited that coffee shop – wouldn’t you want to punch him in the nose?
• Seriously, Converse
  If 50-75% of your tweets aren’t conversations with at least one @ mention in them, you’re failing. And I don’t just mean spamming people individually with your offer. I mean full-on conversations about people stuff. You know, like kids and cats and dogs and your local sports team (get it together Broncos!)
• Re-Tweet relevant local news and tweets
  Is there a flood in your area? A wicked sale at the farmer’s market? A missing child? A new business? Re-Tweet every chance you get.
• Share useful – and relevant – links you find online (but not too many)
  Is there a new trend in your market? Is there a new niche emerging that you want to know how your customers feel about? Share it – ask the question, but give the link context, otherwise it may look like spam.
• Finally, when in doubt – don’t use it!
  Seriously. Walk away. Use it as a search or listening tool rather than an another marketing channel. It’s better not to use it at all than to use it the wrong way – you can do serious damage to your brand and business by using Twitter the wrong way. Just use http://search.twitter.com to see what people are talking about in your town or what people are saying about your business.

Bottom line: Twitter is a great communication and information gathering tool. You can definitely earn some business or credibility as an expert, but there’s a substantial about of work and content that is required first! Beware anyone who tells you different.

(Header image: Twitter for Dummies by laughingsquid)

Well, that’s the premise behind my last two Ignite Spatial talks. Ignite Spatial is all about Geographic Information Systems – which includes GeoLocation toys like FourSquare, Facebook Places, and so on. In a dark twist of fortune, I’ve been labeled “the creepy guy” because it’s the second time I’ve talked about how social media tools could be used to turn your life into your own personal horror movie.

If you have 10 minutes, avoid yourself an untimely murder and watch these two Ignite Spatial talks.

Using GIS To Get Away With Murder

TweetSniffing: How I GeoLocated My Way To Your Mom’s House

If Alexander Graham Bell were alive today, do you suppose he’d call himself a Telephone Guru? Probably not. In fact, no one does. Except maybe this guy.

Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, Evan Williams, and Biz Stone certainly don’t call themselves Social Media Gurus (though, they probably could without much resistance).

How many years of analyzing different forms of media does it take to become a Media Expert? How long do you need to study people and social situations before you become a Social Expert? So why does it only take a Twitter account and a merging of those two words to earn people’s trust and the ability to steal their money?

I’ve never met a Social Media Expert, though I’ve met several people who claim to be. I’ve certainly met people who are knowledgeable about certain platforms. But only rarely someone who was so knowledgeable on a specific platform that they should be called “an expert”.

Having taught weekly classes on social media tools, I can safely say that I am not an expert, either. What I can say is this: beware the Guru. Challenge their credentials at every turn, because it takes some serious effort to learn enough to even *teach* these tools.

Clear results speak for themselves; truly talented social media practitioners rarely have to (their audience does it for them).

Person A is passionate about Widgets and spends a few years making contacts and friends in the Widget industry.

Person B joins Facebook in College and makes a ton of casual friends over a few years.

Both become Social Media Experts and start selling their services (and their friends’ attention) to the highest bidder. Person A does so with social bookmarking, promoting Widget- or Widget-service-businesses to their contacts/friends in their network. Person B promotes every client Facebook page to their Facebook friends (some who, out of some perverted sense of loyalty may become fans).

Who is the bigger douchebag? Are either really using social media as intended?

My answer: BOTH are equally douchebaggish and BOTH are abusing social media.

You can’t assume your friends (business or otherwise) have opted-in to your marketing jackassery. Do you really want your friendship to be self-selecting and end as easy as an unsubscribe? Is your friends’ attention to your client’s BS marketing techniques all that matters to you? Is that why you’re using social media?

Douchebag marketing tactics are ultimately self-defeating and short-lived.

I’ve been guilty of them, but I think there’s hope. You can recover. I’ve done it by separating out WTF!? Marketing’s client endeavors to WTF!? Marketing’s Facebook page (a work in progress). But you won’t see stuff about clients in my Facebook stream (an error so grievous it occurred only once).

Why would you trust a “social media expert” who is willing to sell out their friends to the highest bidder?

This person is considered a rock-star when it comes to Facebook. Her compatriots, experts in blogging, Twitter, and other forms of social media.

So, when I saw a squeeze page marketing their conference, I was pretty shocked. I had a lot of questions. Why were these experts using old-school (direct-response) marketing techniques to promote their skills in using these new marketing tools? From my perspective, this painted them in a very inauthentic light and I said as much.

I was bothered by my friend’s response – first, thinking I was attacking her personally (not my intention – I AM very direct, but I’m not intentionally mean) and second, that a long-form sales page was a legitimate technique to promote a social media event.

Many people my age agree with me that it’s an uncharacteristically poor marketing tactic for a group of social media experts to use; many people older than me do not… so in an attempt to explain this generational “schism”, here’s why I think social media squeeze pages are considered to be douchebaggery:

• Squeeze pages feel grody because they make us (your potential customers) feel stupid and unloved.
  • If someone really cared about getting my business, they wouldn’t waste my attention by pitching me in 5,000 different ways on a long-form sales page. They’d approach me (or a group of people like me) personally and directly. It shows they care. It shows they know me and respect me as a customer.
  • Wallpapering an ad across the web and then spamming me doesn’t show a lot of social media grace. If I were known for my Facebook prowess, you can bet I’d be almost exclusively marketing the event via Facebook or a blog.
• Long-form sales pages (or squeeze pages) aren’t built on the premise of creating a relationship with customers: an essential tenant of social media.
  • If I sense the end goal is getting my $ rather than providing me value (a common feeling from long-form sales pages) I know any services will be aimed at the same end.
  • Squeeze pages are meant to do two things: generate an opt-in response or generate a sale. When the thing you’re selling is social media expertise, this paints you as inauthentic.
  • Social media advertising works on Word of Mouth. Word of Mouth works best when customers/community members feel valued. I’m not going to disrespect my friends by wasting their time promoting an event by sending them to read 5,000 different pitches on a long-form sales page. I’m going to pitch them personally; if they bite, we both win. But if I feel disrespected because you didn’t care to pitch me (or a group of people like me) at least semi-personally, I’m not going to pitch you at all.
• The FTC recently cracked down on affiliate marketers’ claims (notoriously found: on squeeze pages) because they are often misleading.
  • Social media is all about reputation. Why would anyone even consider giving a hint of sleaze by using the same old-school tactics as affiliate marketers when social media is a perfect tool to cut through the sleaze and demonstrate authenticity?
• When you have to brow-beat your community to get them to sign-up, are you providing or inhibiting value?
  • For this specific conference, I was first sent an opt-in-based email message slamming social media snake oil salesmen, THEN directed to a long-form sales (squeeze) page, THEN asked to opt-in to yet another list or purchase…
  • Why should I get (potentially) spammed by you just because I wanted to attend ONE event? Yikes.

I might be a jerk, but I know an inauthentic tactic when I see one and squeeze pages are definitely sleaze-ridden.

I built the slides completely in Keynote – giving PowerPoint the snub.  I’ve been having a lot of issues with all Microsoft products and not being able to handle things that are copied and pasted – Keynote doesn’t seem to have that issue.  It seemed to work out a lot better, but there are some quirks that I don’t know how to remedy yet – like how to turn off bullet points.

The presentation itself was a lot of fun – a lot of great people there, willing to learn and ask lots of questions.  I’m hoping to teach the Twitter class again, but not sure when I’ll do repeat classes.  I was thinking the presentation itself would take up only about 15 minutes and the rest would be for discussion.  I was way wrong – the whole presentation took 45 minutes.  Had some great feedback, too:

“Nick has a unique gift for knowing WAY more than you do, yet teaching you generously without making you feel like a complete idiot. And you leave with some knowledge and some confidence in a very short time.”

“Valuable information for beginners and beyond, at a great price! I learned a lot and left feeling rather inspired, and confident enough to attack some issues I needed to conquer to make Twitter more useful. Thanks!”

I’ll definitely have some adjusting to do get ready for $1 101 on Facebook next week.

All in all, I would call it a victory.  Here’s the slides:

#FollowFive – thought of by genius @UnMarketing is going to replace #FollowFriday. #FollowFriday has become a HUGE waste of time unless you only recommend one or two people with some context – and even then, it’s ruined by spammy retweets and, well, you get the idea.

#FollowFive has much more value due to the nature of the recommendations – instead of endless (and often useless) lists of Twitter users, we now have only five – each with a reason you should follow ‘em.  Try it out!

My #FollowFive for this week:
@MayhemStudios
@LaurieMacomber
@JeskaEatsBrains
@CatherineGrison
@EcosphericBlog

Today’s Monday millennials is very simple, a list of all the cool millennials that I’ve run into on Twitter who can help you understand the Gen-Y perspective. Each offers their own individual voice, style, focus and perspective. These are all people that I follow as @ImNickArmstrong.

Here they are, in no particular order:

• @MadameTwit
• @EcosphericBlog
• @LEStinson
• @DanSchawbel
• @JeskaEatsBrains
• @BlakeSunshine
• @Modite
• @MarkSettle
• @JRMoreau
• @MissReported
• @JonathanHung
• @JSeavitt
• @BrazenCareerist (new as of 6/21!)

I’m sure I’ve missed some wonderful millennial Tweeps. Please don’t be offended, I’m leaving for South Dakota today! Add to the list via a comment or @ me on Twitter and I’ll add you and yours to the list ASAP!

A great marketing position that works on commission, you say? Tell me more!

Telling the Difference between Entrepreneurs and Kooks is becoming more and more difficult these days.

Between Twitter “marketers” (in quotes for a reason!) who have 13k followers and do nothing but parade links around all day and Facebook ads promising unlimited wealth from Obama checks, there’s just so much noise it’s hard to keep our heads in the game when looking for that first real job.

Even experienced job hunters are sometimes lured in by the silky smooth words of snake oil salesmen.  It blows, but it’s a great experience.  As millennials, we have a leg up.  Things like… well, the bad things that happened in our lives – 9/11, Columbine, and so on, have given us a great filter for BS.

We have an amazing capacity to detect deception.  But even we get sucked in from time to time.

Some red flags I’ve learned to watch out for:

Any “marketing” position that mentions cold-calling, sales, or seems like door-to-door sales positions. This is a big one, because us creative types go, “Oh, Marketing! I can do that!” and we quickly learn that marketing is really a codeword for “please bend over for us while you pimp our product to people who don’t want it.”

Any job where the CEO meets you at a coffee shop, then informs you that the position is not as advertised.

Any job where your immediate supervisor was never trained for the job you’re supposed to be doing.

Any job where your employee number is larger than your weekly pay.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten some – so please, refresh my memory and post your own in the comments section.  I’ll move the particularly poignant ones up here into a post-published addition.

EDIT: 4/23/2009: Brian came up with another condition – “you should avoid any job that requires YOU (the candidate) to pay [somebody] for anything in association with starting your job.”  This is true – watch out for pyramid schemes!  They’re becoming harder and harder to spot!  If you’re being hired for something, but asked to pay something for any reason – walk away.

The Cisco Fatty is the story of grad student Connor Riley (@theconnor) who Tweeted the following:

“Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.”

To which Tim Levad (@timmylevad) – a Channel Partner at Cisco – replied:

“Who is the hiring manager. I’m sure they would love to know that you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web.”

Now, what is one to learn from this? Any idiot would jump to say, “Don’t run your mouth on Twitter!” and most of them have.  I take a much different stance.

Lesson #1: Where were the LOLz?

Clearly Tim Levad doesn’t have much of a sense of humor when it comes to Cisco. Does that mean Connor Riley can’t joke? Or for that matter, should we stop ribbing the people we rib every day on Twitter? Is everybody’s ego so freakin’ fragile or tied to what they do that they can’t take a joke?

Does that mean that if we bitch about our former co-workers we should make our profiles private? Hell no.

Transparency is everything. Nobody likes being lied to – and if you have even a smidgen of people skills, you’re able to tell when someone isn’t telling you the whole truth. That’s what’s so damn great about Twitter. 140 characters of 100% pure, unadulterated truth. You just can’t lie with that few characters.

Why would you ever want to punish honesty? Okay, so, there might be some truth to Connor’s joke, but at least you know exactly what Connor Riley is thinking about this job. And any HR professional will tell you that trying to get inside the mind of new recruits is not easy to do under other circumstances.

If we can learn anything from this atrocity of social media madness, we can learn that – really – this should have been no big deal. It was only a lack of LOLz from Tim-may and an over-zealous community that made it into the beast it’s become. Tim-may and everybody else should have gotten a giggle and moved on.

Should Connor have known better? No. She was playing by the rules of la vie boheme de Social Media: Truth, Transparency, and LOLz.

Lesson #2: Over-reaction Makes a Bad Situation Worse

Mean people exist in surprisingly large numbers. I’d normally call them Trolls, but, in this case… even education strategist John Connell (@JConnell) at Cisco agrees: “Have to say, I thought it was a bit priggish of our colleague to feed her to the lions”. Nobody, by the way, has called John out for his tweet.

The Internet used to be a place where verbal jousting was an Olympic-caliber game – those who were good at it were praised.  Those who were bad at it went home to try, try again.

It was all public (amongst nerds, at least) – and nobody’s feelings got trounced because that was how the game was played. Social media is now a much more public arena, but still very much the same as those old Usenet groups.

Just like in real life, though – the game becomes much more intense when a batter rushes the mound at some imaginary slight, the enforcer throws down on the ice, or nobody tells Cutler he’s gonna be traded. Over-reaction causes a bad situation to get much, much worse.

What I mean is – as the situation escalated, Connor Riley did what most of us would do: she tried to make everything private again – by deleting or hiding her social media tools. Unfortunately, this was the wrong approach. If you don’t control your own voice, someone else will: and speculation will take over in the place of facts (or at least first-hand accounts)!

Internet-savvy stalkers found Connor’s homepage, her Flickr account, and even looked up her old website on Google’s cached history, publishing them all for the world to see.

When Connor deleted or hid her social media tools – she effectively silenced herself… but she didn’t hide herself.

Which brings me to my final, scary point: There’s no going back. For any of us. The cow is out of the water.

The only option she had was to stand up, laugh at herself (or the situation) and move on. But she didn’t. At least, not yet.

Connor Riley’s story is one that will likely stick with her for the rest of her life, thanks to one inconsiderate Cisco fan’s tweet and Connor’s own over-reaction to the situation. It’s not one that has to HAUNT her. In fact, Connor has already taken the first steps to own this “crisis” and turn it into something not so haunting.  Good for her! Too bad that lesson came with such a huge pricetag.